"Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me. I lift my lamp beside the golden door." The Statue of Liberty (P.S. Please be so kind as to enter through the proper channels and in an orderly fashion)

Location: Arlington, Virginia, United States

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Exclusive: Notes For Jokes For The 2006 WHCA Dinner

Republicus rubs elbows with White House speechwriters from time to time, and has this very night obtained first-drafts of the jokes that are to be used-- pending approval by the President and First Lady (which is practically a given judging from last year's material)-- at next year's White House Correspondents Dinner Association on April 29.

Here are some excerpts:

President Bush: Good evening. Good to see you all again. Except you. No, just kidding, heh-heh [ba-doop-CHA].

Yeah, whew. You all remember October, in the fall of last year? Yeah? I call it... The October Surprise! [ba-doop]. Some folks--perhaps in this room-- didn't look too sad. No, I know, two-party system. Sells papers. Gets promotions. But Helen was sad. Yeah. I appreciate that. Until I overheard her say "Too bad it was one year late!" [ba-doop-CHA]

I went to go see Dick at his undisclosed location. He wasn't there. I asked Don, "Where's Dick?" and he said, ""He doesn't want to disclose that to you!" [ba-da-da-doop]

Halloween? Yeah. Lotch of tricks...[dramatic pause]...but no treats! Yeah, lotch of rain, too. Wind. Rain. Hurricanes! Remember Katrina? Yeah. Me too. I thought I'd seen everything. 9/11. Heads cutting off, getting cut off. Never thought I'd see that happening, in this day and age. The first democratic election in the Middle East! Two of 'em. Yeah, there's hope, there's hope, but I never thought I'd see the day when I'd see a feller doing the backstroke down Bourbon Street while watching baseball on the new high-definition television set on his stomach. Yeah. You saw that too? Hey, ya got a receipt for that TV? Heh-heh! Yeah, right. Well, you know what they say: Only in America!...

...Polls? What polls? I don't see any polls. Karl, do you see any polls? Nope, not over here... [ba...doop?]


First Lady Laura Bush: Good evening, and, yes, I'm still a desperate housewife! [ba-doop-CHA]... Oh, yes. October. I remember October. How can I forget? I had that plumbing problem in the bathroom, so I asked George if he could fix something, since he had nothing else to do. [ba-doop] And he asked me, "What do you need fixed, dear?" And I said "A leak." And he frowned, and asked: "Laura, are you making fun of me?" [ba-doop-CHA]

Yes, I know, I knew something was wrong in the state of Denmark when I saw a man named "Scooter" on crutches (ba-doop). Just don't expect George to start soul-searching in blank-verse anytime soon. He's not that type. Maybe in monosyllables. I'm sure he can handle "To be or not to be" (ba-doop-CHA!)...


Friday, October 28, 2005

Follow Up

As a follow-up to the recent post titled "Behold," in a day--yesterday-- marked with multitudinous and vociferous rallies in Iran that condemned Israel following President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's incendiary remarks, Iranian Foreign Minister Manouchehr Mottaki said that the massive demonstrations would illustrate the anger of the Islamic world over the Jewish state's existence.

"The comments expressed by the president is the declared and specific policy of the Islamic Republic of Iran," Mottaki told state-run television. "We don't recognize the Zionist regime and don't consider it legitimate."

Many of the demonstrators held banners with anti-Israeli and pro-Palestinian slogans. Many of the placards read: "Death to Israel, death to America."

Right. Republicus repeats: It would be unwise to allow the Iranians to possess uranium at this juncture.

On a brighter note, it does seem that, for its part, the Palestinian Authority is, as Republicus has been hoping, beginning to get up from all fours and stand upright.

Palestinian negotiator Saeb Erekat distanced himself from the Iranian polemics:

"We have recognized the state of Israel and we are pursuing a peace process with Israel, and ... we do not accept the statements of the president of Iran. This is unacceptable."

Good for you, Mr. Erakat, for your people, and the world.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Not a Fall-Guy

Florida Governor Jeb Bush, addressing the inadequacies of the state's emergency responders to Hurricane Wilma, came out with a mea culpa the other day, exonerating FEMA from shouldering the blame.

The vituperation that FEMA was subjected to in the wake of the human suffering and social chaos of Hurricane Katrina was an opportunity to attack President Bush vicariously through that agency, and the swamping at the underbelly of the republic (by an Act of God, no less, an implication roundly suggested as relevant-- interestingly enough-- by Leftist, Nature-worshipping Environmentalists for the "sins" on the ecosystem commited by the polluting corporations, by Islamic Jihadists, cheering the wrath of Allah, and by Christian fundamentalists alike, who thought they beheld the judgment of God befalling a city of sin), struck the titanic administration like an iceburg and began to swamp its hold as its First Mate and First Lieutenant's Aide (i.e. Rove and Libby) faced the prospect of court martial, and the conservative passengers threatened to man the lifeboats and abandon ship unless Captain Bush filled an official vacancy with a graduate from Annapolis, not McHale's Navy.

Meanwhile, the cruise in the Persian Gulf was causing sea-sickness for many of the passengers with weaker stomachs.

All of that coincided with an assemblage of tambourine-beating landlubbers at the admiralty calling for mutiny, i.e. the Impeachment March in Washington, which was hardly a landsliding groundswell, or even a tremor poweful enough to form a tsunami and capsize the ship, but it--in tandem with all of the above-- did add to the impression that the ship, the Bush dreadnought, was beginning to list (causing a chorus of persistent critics who have been casting a daily barrage of stones from the shore to dance little jigs and cheer).

So it is time to patch up holes and control the damage and ride out the spate of bad weather, and Bush should be tied to the mast and leave the sirens astern (after jettisoning, Jonah-like, Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers).

Bush's crew should just keep the beeswax in their ears and keep working the oars.

Indeed, ignore "the background noise."

In laying the blame on his own Florida state government for the inadequacies of emergency responders, Governor Bush was drawing fire away from the admiralty in Washington and so deflecting the angle of a follow-up charge on its flagship, the first charge using Katrina and the disaster of New Orleans as a tailwind.

That was not Jeb being a fall guy for his brother, as Republicus would be very surprised to see Florida state polls reflecting that.

Instead, Jeb has stood up for his brother, calmly and correctly telling it how it is by reminding everyone that it was the state's responsibility to see to the matters Bush was lambasted for "neglecting," or "ignoring," or even "abandoning" in the wake of Katrina.

Republicus devoted a few posts informing his people that the federal government followed proper procedure in handling that natural disaster, and that the blame lay with the Louisana governor and the mayor of New Orleans (along with a culture of dependence and self-entitlement).

All the noise that was made was the sound of crowbars working at a chink in the hull of Bush's dreadnought and trying to rip it open to allow sinkage, using the natural disaster as an excuse for the vandalism.

Governor Bush preempted a repeat of that pretext, and is himself immune from attack as the same crowd which absolved Governor Blanco must likewise remain silent, else expose hypocrisy and further deteriorate the sidemouthed principles used as stand-in premises for their unprincipled attacks.

Dat hole is patched. Good job, Jeb.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005


Republicus has said, in polite terms, that it would be unwise to allow Iran to possess uranium at this juncture, in solidarity with the U.S. government's position (as briefly discussed in the post "Playing With Fire").

Around the same time, Republicus commended Israel's good faith--or at least hopeful--disengagement from the Gaza Strip, which placed the onus of reciprocal good faith on terrorists who have succeeded in convincing many that they have been reacting--"patriotically"-- to the oppression of occupation (as the brave "Minutemen"--whatever-- in Iraq supposedly are).

Okay. Israel has recently, and quite literally, bent over backwards--even, it is feared by some, at the compromising of her security--and dragged her settlers literally kicking and screaming away from homes that arguably were not theirs to begin with (though seized, it must be added, after being attacked).

That should not "prove" to the watching world that Israel has conceded some kind of moral error and, repenting, has made amends. Nor should it prove that Israel--and, by extension, the West-- "negotiates with terrorism."

It proves that Israel IS willing to make her own sacrifices for peace, in the spirit of global cooperation after being relentlessly attacked by elements in the world body for allegedly failing to rise to occassions and prove benevolence of character, inviting accusations to the contrary.

It was a necessary P.R. move, and, as far as Republicus is concerned, was enough to not only quell, but evaporate the risen tide of anti-Israeli rhetoric that villainized the beleagured state as the one and only obstacle to Peace.

Israel indeed took the high road, but the poor, desperate, though valiant victims of her imperial aggression (i.e. the terrorists) apparently do view it as some kind of concession, an admission of guilt.

And proof that terrorism works.

Palestinian Authority President Abbas seemed to be a welcome change from Arafat and a promising progressive for peace, denouncing terrorism at times (saying it does not work and, naturally, only invites retaliation harmful to Palestinians), and even angered his own hard-liners by calling for an end to mortar attacks.

Republicus considered him one of the brightening points of light that began to flash and glimmer across the Middle East, sparked and enlightened by the realization that there is another, and better, way...

Yet less than three days after he urged the Palestinians to restrain themselves from excessive exultations on the heels of the Israeli withdrawal from the Gaza Strip and northern West Bank (Judea and Samaria), Abbas presided over a huge celebration in Gaza City where he declared: "Today we are celebrating the liberation of Gaza and the northern West Bank; tomorrow we will celebrate the liberation of Jerusalem."

Triangulation? Empty blustering to appease the hard-line terrorist element? Republicus does not have Abbas' number, so he can only hope that is the case, but even if it is, the fact that he felt compelled to appease that element at the expense of political capital in the United States indicates that that element is alive and well and have enough power to compel their president to pay them lip-service.

People against the disengagement of Gaza predicted that view, the view that disengagement would signal weakness and surrender, and that terrorism works, and didn't think Israeli Prime Minister Sharon should waste his time in holding out his hand at the expense of security, and in the process encouraging that very view (and getting the hand bit off in any event).

But the Israeli-Palestinian conflict had reached an intractable point that required such good-faith--or at least hopeful--actions, if only for the sake of showing the world who the true--and good-- mother is, as wise King Solomon judged:

Which mother was willing to give up her child to the other rather than see him bloodied and killed by partition, and which was spitefully willing to see just that rather than surrender him?

That analogy--like the Isreali-Palestinian conflict itself-- is problematic, as ripping partition to one degree or another appears to be a foregone conclusion in the relentless tug-of-war, as both sides refuse to surrender the child--i.e. the Land-- to the other whole and unbled, but in viewing Gaza not as part of a single child, but a child among a family of provinces, the analogy works in showing the respective character of the litigants.

(Republicus, it should be added, would not have recommended and does not commend the handover of Judea and Samaria on the West Bank, because of evident strategically- defensive reasons along with the arguable but legitimate claims of cultural antecedents).

But what does denying Iran's possession of enriched uranium have to do with Israeli disengagement? one might ask (naively).

It's all tied in to the enemy we are at war with, an enemy which the President has identified as--Finally! Give the man a cigar!-- "Islamic extremists" (a.k.a. Jihadists, evil theocrats, the bad guys with the mentality that plotted, carried out--and then applauded, from Mecca to Baghdad--9/11), the people who hate "The Jews," and--make no mistake--the rest of the infidels, too.

What do we want from them? It's really quite simple: Stop the terrorism.

Gaza wasn't evacuated under threat of more terrorism. If anything, it was held on to for so long precisely because of terrorism, that is, there was nothing to be negotiated under terrorist demands.

It was the civilized efforts along the lines laid down by peace plans that led to the good-faith--or, again, hopeful-- cooperation.

So take a hint, you stupid terrorists.

The Bush-hating "anti-war" crowd (in quotation marks because Peace and Love are not in the aura that that marching, drum-beating, knife-tongued, belligerent, "insurgent"-cheering, and all-around petty and vindictively-spiteful crowd emanates)-- which is heavily-financed by zillionaire George Soros and other anti-American entities and is now surging, and exulting, with the present political problems of the Commander-In-Chief-- have made a cottage industry of protest by presenting the United States of America--and, by extension, and usually under their breath-- Israel, as the villains, the true terrorists in this global conflict (which Foxnews populist Bill O'Reilly considers--quite accurately, in one way of looking at it-- as, why not? World War IV-- the Cold War being the III-- while the administration bandied about and floated names like GWOT, IWOT, and SAVE until coming out and finally pointing the finger where it belongs).

So we are the villains. No, excuse me, not me and you, and not America, but just Bush (who must therefore be neither representative of you, or me, or the country, for that matter, even though he's the elected President, and...HUH?!?).

Yes, it's Bush, and, more specifically, his rogue (unelected? Huh?) neoconservative administration and "The Agenda" they're imposing on the Middle East, which is unwarranted, if not criminal. Well, it's both, so there.

So there's the moron and/or Machiavellian schemer and lying-liar who tells lies (so there), Bush, and his anomalous administration who are the villains. They're destroying scientific education and progress in this country. They're poisoning the environment. They are driving the solvency of this country over the cliff to bankruptcy. They are allowing the poisoning of the ecosystem for the sake of their corporate, pollution-producing cronies. They've encouraged and empowered the American Taliban. They've caused the whole wide world to hate us because of their Middle-Eastern blitzkrieg.

They've killed over a hundred thousand innocent civilians in the Middle-East on their modern-day-but-still-caveman quest for fire (i.e. petroleum) and for the sake of a destabilizing state imposed there by Great Britain.

It is no coincidence that all that sounds like something out of Al Jazeera, or a missive from Zawahiri-- as well as from anti-administration domestic outfits like and

An important weapon in this war is propaganda, as Zawahiri himself acknowledged in the letter that was intercepted: “half of this battle is taking place in the battlefield of the media” in a “race for the hearts and minds of our Umma [the whole Muslim community]."

The "Antiwar" elements here understand that as well, and seem to be drawing from the same well to reenforce the brainwashing of their own Umma--i.e. the cult of "Antiwar" Bush-haters--and in the race for the hearts and minds of regular Americans.

In so doing, drawing from the same well and sharing the same target, the true enemy is likewise excused (wittingly or unwittingly), justified, or even inverted 90 degrees with the 90 degree inversion of the American adminstration into pure villainy.

As the table is turned, so is the seating.

Hence, the American liberation forces are called "terrorists," and the terrorists "Freedom Fighters."

Yes, the villains in this story are Bush and his "gang of thugs" (as Lyndon Larouche puts it).

"Bush is a facsist...Bush is a murderer...Bush is like Hitler...The Very Worst President Bar None In The History Of The Republic since Tom Jefferson placed his John Hancock on the Declaration of Independence!" decry the cult of Bush-haters.

That gargantuan, over-the-top Halloween float of villainy was blown up by more hot air than the NASDAQ was during "The Clinton Economy," and made huge by the huffing and puffing Bush-Haters (added to by the gale-force winds of Katrina), among other things out of Bush's control and by his own goofiness.

Judging from the effect that has had on the presidential approval ratings, to the average American bystander, the float has gotten so large, over time, that the TRUE villains--Islamic extremists-- have not only been relegated to the margins (like non-descript parade spectators on the sidewalks made diminutive by the giant float), but also apologized for (seeing how they can't really be blamed for throwing darts at the offensive float), their behavior rationalized (the float, after all, is offensive) and even excused (anyone would throw darts at it, and, by golly, everyone should!).

They have even begun to be rooted for, implicitly, at first, but then explicitly.

They--the "insurgents" in Iraq trying to sabotage the evolution to democracy, however artificially accelerated--are patriotic "Minutemen" trying to fend off an imperial, occupying force.

Indeed, "Freedom Fighters."

Cheer for them! They must prevail! They are victims of the Great Villain (or Satan, if you will)!

And, of course, Bush must prove the failure they always said he was.

And so, good people of Republicus, the true villain in the GWOT (or whatever it's called now), has now become but a mere, incidental consequence of the evil administration's imperial machinations-- if not incompetence-- and has even evolved into an ally in helping to defeat that Great Villain, i.e. President Bush.

So feel the P.L.O.'s pain, people. Give poor, energy-starved Iran some uranium to heat and light their homes.

It has all been a misunderstanding, and they have been unjustifiably demonized by "neocon propaganda" in order to justify their victimization.

And, of course, support your local insurgency, and the one abroad.

"Give Peace a Chance."

Oh, and by the way, Behold:

Mahmoud Ahmadi-Nejad, Iran’s fundamentalist president, on Wednesday (today) declared that Israel should be “wiped off the map” and warned Arab countries against developing economic ties with Israel in response to its withdrawal from Gaza.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Liberalism at Work, North of the Border

Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin has decided to sue American gunmakers, arguing that half of all gun crimes in Canada are committed by smuggled U.S. guns.

Soooo...homicides across the border are the fault of the manufacturers who make the guns here?

Oh, Republicus get it. Canadians don't kill people.

American guns do.

While they build their case, perhaps we should look into how many U.S. crimes--ranging from DWI, vehicular homicide, spousal battery, as well as murder-- are commited by those intoxicated on Molson and Labatts.