Republicus

"Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me. I lift my lamp beside the golden door." The Statue of Liberty (P.S. Please be so kind as to enter through the proper channels and in an orderly fashion)

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Location: Arlington, Virginia, United States

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Exclusive: Notes For Jokes For The 2006 WHCA Dinner

Republicus rubs elbows with White House speechwriters from time to time, and has this very night obtained first-drafts of the jokes that are to be used-- pending approval by the President and First Lady (which is practically a given judging from last year's material)-- at next year's White House Correspondents Dinner Association on April 29.

Here are some excerpts:

President Bush: Good evening. Good to see you all again. Except you. No, just kidding, heh-heh [ba-doop-CHA].

Yeah, whew. You all remember October, in the fall of last year? Yeah? I call it... The October Surprise! [ba-doop]. Some folks--perhaps in this room-- didn't look too sad. No, I know, two-party system. Sells papers. Gets promotions. But Helen was sad. Yeah. I appreciate that. Until I overheard her say "Too bad it was one year late!" [ba-doop-CHA]

I went to go see Dick at his undisclosed location. He wasn't there. I asked Don, "Where's Dick?" and he said, ""He doesn't want to disclose that to you!" [ba-da-da-doop]

Halloween? Yeah. Lotch of tricks...[dramatic pause]...but no treats! Yeah, lotch of rain, too. Wind. Rain. Hurricanes! Remember Katrina? Yeah. Me too. I thought I'd seen everything. 9/11. Heads cutting off, getting cut off. Never thought I'd see that happening, in this day and age. The first democratic election in the Middle East! Two of 'em. Yeah, there's hope, there's hope, but I never thought I'd see the day when I'd see a feller doing the backstroke down Bourbon Street while watching baseball on the new high-definition television set on his stomach. Yeah. You saw that too? Hey, ya got a receipt for that TV? Heh-heh! Yeah, right. Well, you know what they say: Only in America!...

...Polls? What polls? I don't see any polls. Karl, do you see any polls? Nope, not over here... [ba...doop?]

Developing...

First Lady Laura Bush: Good evening, and, yes, I'm still a desperate housewife! [ba-doop-CHA]... Oh, yes. October. I remember October. How can I forget? I had that plumbing problem in the bathroom, so I asked George if he could fix something, since he had nothing else to do. [ba-doop] And he asked me, "What do you need fixed, dear?" And I said "A leak." And he frowned, and asked: "Laura, are you making fun of me?" [ba-doop-CHA]

Yes, I know, I knew something was wrong in the state of Denmark when I saw a man named "Scooter" on crutches (ba-doop). Just don't expect George to start soul-searching in blank-verse anytime soon. He's not that type. Maybe in monosyllables. I'm sure he can handle "To be or not to be" (ba-doop-CHA!)...

Developing...

2 Comments:

Blogger Jess said...

This is great, where did you find this?!

4:19 PM  
Blogger John said...

I was just playing. ;)

6:10 AM  

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