Really?

MISS-LEADING
THE TRUTH ABOUT GALS' SERIAL FIBBING
By SUSAN EDELMAN

March 2, 2008 -- Deceit, thy name is woman.

Most females lie "more cleverly and successfully than men" about everything from infidelity and facelifts to barhopping and shopping binges, according to a new book.

"Women lie as a survival technique, but also to get what they want," said Susan Shapiro Barash, author of "Little White Lies, Deep Dark Secrets: The Truth About Why Women Lie," published by St. Martin's Press this week.

Barish said a Rockland County woman stripped of her secrets on Fox TV's reality show "Moment of Truth" last week proves her research true.

Lauren Cleri, 26, admitted on air she had cheated on her NYPD cop husband and preferred an ex-boyfriend. But she failed a polygraph, and lost $200,000, by answering "yes" when asked if she believed she was a good person.

"It supports my thesis that women are talented at lying - but perhaps not enough to pass a lie-detector test," Barash said.

Barash interviewed 500 women nationwide who answered her Craigslist ads seeking females to confide what they fib about. Among her findings:

* 75 percent lie about how much money they spend. For instance, they sneak purchases inside their homes after shopping or hide the price tags.

* 50 percent harbor "mixed feelings about mothering." One told Barash, "I look at these children and I crave sleep and free time. They wear me out and make me jealous of working women who have no children, no husbands."

* More than 60 percent cheated on their husbands. A 32-year-old mother conducted her trysts while telling her trusting husband she was working late. Even in asking for a divorce, she withheld the truth: "I didn't say I had fallen for another man. He was better off with my lies."

Many women use the "betterment lie," as Barash calls it, as a means to an end.

A 30-year-old model romanced a middle-aged married man for the money. After snagging him, she faked her affections: "I say 'I love you,' and don't mean it."

Some lie to cover up childhood incest or domestic abuse, or taboo behavior like drinking, gambling or Internet-porn addiction.

More than 80 percent believe in "beneficial lying." A New Jersey mom doesn't tell her well-behaved daughter about her own wild teen years of marijuana and partying.

Urban women favor the "competitive lie," Barash said. "You lie about money and cosmetic surgery. Your out-of-work husband is a 'consultant.' You embellish your kids' accomplishments, or downplay their SAT tutoring."

In the "lying to yourself" category, the book mentions Hillary Rodham Clinton, who as first lady went on TV to blast the Monica Lewinsky scandal as a political attack against her husband. She later acknowledged Bill's cheating.

Others lie because "there's too much to lose," Barash said. Rudy Giuliani's wife, Judith, guarded a secret that she was married twice, and not once, previously. The truth, which Rudy apparently knew, hit the front pages when he ran for president.


Okay, so we have:

(1) The "betterment lie"

(2) The "beneficial lie" (a.k.a. "the white lie")

(3) The "competitive lie"

(4) The "lie to yourself" lie

(5) The "too much to lose" lie

I knew women (Type A liars) who could rattle off (1-3) & (5) over dinner and by tell-tale signs you knew that they knew that they themselves were lying (confirmed by the theatrical, overly-defensive reactions to politely-as-possible accusations of prevarication or by after-the-fact teary-eyed confessionals).

Still others (the Type B liars) could run the gamut without batting an eyelash because either they're engaging in (4) and unconsciously apply it to (1-3) & (5), or they're psychopaths (Type C).

Type (A) is typical (a "survivor") and although lapses in upholding the integrity of honesty, her demonstrated guilty conscience indicates that at least her moral faculties are intact, however frayed (i.e. she knows she's lying).

The defensive theatrics of (A) when called to the carpet more often than not involve the psychological defense mechanism of projection (like "I-Know-You-Are-But-What-Am-I" table-turning on the accuser) or deflection (abruptly veering off into tangents that change the subject, easily executed if the hapless male is sexually enthralled and distracted, a.k.a. "pussywhipped"), or the redemptive confessional.

The (B) type is also typical and lies to herself to alleviate the nagging conscience that alerts herself to lying.

The commonly-used psychological defense mechanisms of (B) involve not only denial but also rationalizing, i.e. It's not really a "lie" because this consideration (e.g. "I was drunk") multiplied by that circumstance (e.g. you were drunk) mitigates the other thing (e.g. the one that happened at the bachelorette party when she was drunk) all divided by the value of pi--or whatever formula they use--which can make the (2) beneficial "white" lie actually moral (in theory), but when utilized for (1,3 & 5)--which is not uncommon-- it's just self-serving female bullshit.

But which is more moral, the (A) or (B) type?

The (A) type knows she's lying, but lies anyway, and so--guilty conscience or no--is still a liar.

The (B) type convinces herself she's telling the truth and so absolves herself from having to look in the mirror and seeing a liar, but in the process she is lying both to you and herself and compounds the lie--a double-barreled assault on reality-- so (A) is (however dubiously) better than (B).

The (C) type doesn't give a damn.

Interestingly, as you move down the scale of honesty from (A), (B), to (C), the female's sexual attractiveness and/or professional success correspondingly rises (although the A & B types are on the same quasi-conservative trajectory while the C type veers off on a different vector altogether completely liberated from conservative notions of Right and Wrong and reaches stratospheric heights or depths of depravity unaspired or unfathomed by A or B).

"A" types are generally housewives and Mother Theresa.

"B" types are characterized by the "Sex & the City" kind of professional career woman, social butterflies, and Born-Again Christians.

"C" types can be found in the political realm and the prostitution and porn-industry.

And then there's the (D) types--the lawyers--who believe that a lie is not a lie unless identified as perjury in a court of law.

To the question "Are you lying?" the answer is not "Yes" or "No," but "There is no evidence."

With them, it's best to have everything in writing.

That analysis is a simplified one, however (perhaps over-simplified), as it does not take into consideration the A & B type personalities found in all three groups of (A), (B), (C), and (D) type of liars, biological cycles specific to gender (e.g. PMS stuff), dumb blondes, volatile redheads, conniving brunettes, and the confounding nature of women in general.